Romance story. Rate this intro?

Much like a sugar-coated candy, things can start out wonderful and slowly start to become bitter. That was the way things started out for Noah Warren.

As the snow fell down onto the cold ground below him, the young adult scanned the stores down the forgotten street lost in the large city. Noah grumbled, looking down at a piece of parchment with messy handwriting on it.

'Sugar Bakery.'He murmured, his messy raven black hair being littered with snow. His sister sent him out for the cake that was only found at this one bakery. Seemed that she didn't hate their Aunt enough to skip her birthday like he did.

Finally finding the bakery written on the note that his sister left him, Noah entered the cozy warm shop. A tiny ringing bell showed the clerk that he had entered.

'...I'll be up in a minute.'A soft voice called up to Noah. Noah took that he was normal for a young woman to work in a bakery, but he was shocked to find a man.

The man he met that day would change everything..

Romance story. Rate this intro?

Its a great start!! One little thing I didn't realy like the sound of was the reference to "young adult". Other than that, best of luck!!

Romance story. Rate this intro?

I THINK IT'S awesome!! THIS LEAVES ME WANTING MORE..I HOPE THIS GETS PUBLISHED!!

Romance story. Rate this intro?

That sounds very interesting. Hope you finish it!

Romance story. Rate this intro?

For an into I think its not detailed enough.

The plot seems like it would be very interesting but it doesn't hook you in.

I really like the simile at the beginning but everything needs more description.

Describe the sister,the man he meets at the end, the aunt he hates so much... etc.

You have a great start tho.

Keep going.

Best of Luck.

Romance story. Rate this intro?

Its a great start. Wish I could read the rest of it.

Romance story. Rate this intro?

First, you can make a lot of things more active and specific. 'Young adult' is pretty vague and not at all how most people talk. 'His messy raven hair being' is passive. How about 'He brushed snow off his . . hair.' What does he grumble? And most people don't murmur to themselves.

Second, Men and women work in bakeries, so it's a bit contrived to say he was shocked to find a man.

Finally, 'The man he met that day would change everything,' is announcing the future. I'd prefer to see how it changes everything. At present, I don't even know what 'everything' is. So it's hard to care a lot about changing it.