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Sometimes when **** happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a ****. Here are some **** definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...

Ghost ****

You know you've ****. There's **** on the toilet paper, but no **** in the bowl.

Teflon Coated ****

Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of **** on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey ****

This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your *** 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This **** leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought ****

You're all done wiping your *** and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead ****

This kind is the kind of **** that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly ****

You **** so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now ****

You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker ****

This **** is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of **** usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks ****

This **** hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your *** wet.

Wish ****

You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no ****!

Cement Block or Oh God ****

You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you ****.

Snake ****

This **** is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork **** (Also Known as Floater ****)

Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This **** usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food **** (also called Screamers)

You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer Drunk ****

This happens the day after the night before. Normally your **** doesn't smell too bad, but this **** is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of **** also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle

The kind of **** that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The Bungee ****

The kind of **** that just hangs off your *** before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire ****

The kind of **** where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler

The kind of **** where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber

The kind of **** that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

The kind of **** that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk ****

The king of **** that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

The Jack the Ripper ****

The kind of **** that yanks out the hair of your *** as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper

The giant **** you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas ****

The kind of **** that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl ****

The kind of **** that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City ****

When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a ****.

Oh ****! ****

You **** so much and wipe your *** so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!

The Never Ending ****

It's the **** that keeps running out of your *** like pea, and just when you start wiping your *** your stomach gargles and splash, more **** runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch That Hurt ****

The type of **** that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

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THATS GREAT ME N MY MATES R NOT ALONE PLEASED TO MEET U..............WE DISCUSS OUR TYPES OF**** DAILY..........

FAMILY **** LITTLE BALLS THAT BOB!!

GLASS ****THAT HURTS ON THE WAY OUT!! IM REALLY CHUCKLING NOW!!! PENDULUM ****JUST HANGING ON!!

I LOVE UR DEDICATION TO THE VARIED ****WEVE ALL HAD, R THERE OTHERS WHO TELL THE TRUTH?

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lol

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i relly think something is wrong with u

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lol made me laugh

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WOW CANT BELIEVE U WROTE THAT................but it is halarious

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lol

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funny.....lol........and true......lol

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funny

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You just won the longest question ever.You Creep